Waiting….
Originally published at www.robert-pace.com. You can comment here or there.
Its a beautiful Monday morning here. I have been out working around the house. I started my pepper plants yesterday in a little container which I placed under a 100 watt bulb for heat/light. I am hoping that they will germinate okay. Waiting…
Theirs a special on tv tonight about the capture of a live giant squid I wanna watch so I am waiting….
I have finished my beautiful medallion for Elli and am eager to bisque it….waiting.
I hope to get to talk to Elli tonight by phone or chat….waiting.
I had a disturbing night last night too. I kept having dreams of me and Elli. The dreams kicked up alot of emotions within me. I was holding her tight to me and she was so cold to touch. It was quite disconcerting. I woke up and waited a bit and went back to sleep and the dreams started again. This time it was not so bad a dream of me holding her in my arms, stroking her hair and rubbing her tummy as she slept. I sensed something was wrong though. Even though I was comforting her in her rest I felt sadness as though I knew the moment would not last. I woke up and went back to sleep atleast 3x and each time those dreams returned. I finally had to get up and go to the bathroom and when I returned I noticed my lapis laying on the bed not on my necklace. I took that as a bad omen 
Never has the lapis ever loosed itself from my necklace before. I was saddened by that. I put it back on my necklace and snuggled it and slept an hour or two more dreaming of holding my Elli trying to enjoy the moment regardless of the time the moment would last.
The dreams of Elli were in themselves wonderful in that I was dreaming of Elli. But they also was something missing in the dreams which disturbed me. Something just was not right with the way things were in the dreams. A coldness existed. A distancing. Not once was Elli even aware of me being there. No words spoken. No responses to me at all. It was like being with her but at same time being all alone.
I will work on somethings here and sit around waiting on Elli to see if she will surface later. Our times together grow farther apart. In some ways I guess I worry that the lifes blood of what we had is gotten quite anemic. The spark that once was there seems to be concealed from me. Saddens me.
I just have to let it all happen and see what the outcome is. I have put all my energy into keeping things going and I will continue to do so. But where things are headed I don’t have a clue.
All I know is I love Elli.
