Lonely & Confused
Originally published at www.robert-pace.com. You can comment here or there.
Well its a very very cold morning here. Theirs a faint skip of snow on the ground and the wind is swirling it around and around, The wind is snowblasting my house from all directions it seems. Menacingly cold outside. Its only around 60F in the house due to the faulty heatpump thingee (16C).
I barely slept all night. Kept waking up and thinking and re-reading emails. I don’t understand so much. I may never understand. I think my bright warm future has turned as cold as the wind outside. I feel quite alone. The only feelings I am able to at all cling on to is my love for Elli.
I love you so much Elli. All I want to do is make you happy. And I am at a loss at how to do that now. Everything I say seems to be taken wrong. And I think your forgiveness towards me is at its end. I mean well. I try very hard to be as positive an influence in your life a I can. But I seem to stumble and fall in doing it all the time. You keep saying you are hurt. And I sit down wondering how I hurt you. And then I try to figure out how to repair those hurts. And then I get hurt.
I love you with all my life.. every single ounce of it.
I try so hard to treat you as you want to be treated. To make you happy. I don’t know how to maybe. I will always try to make you happy. I love you more than anything.
I miss you so much too.
Email is not the best way to try to chat with. Not with my fractured mind hitting 10 different topics in 3 different emails. For that I am sorry.
I am very deeply sorry for any hurt or pain I have caused you.
I never mean to.
I love you with my entirity.
Well I have to write a paper now for Human Nutrition and Wellness class and take a shower which will not be fun in these temps. I hope to get to speak to you tonight after class.
*I LOVE YOU ELLI*
